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Poems to My Great Uncle

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Modern-ish Hamlet (WARNING VULGAR)

My AP Literature class had to take about 50 lines from Hamlet and translate it into a modern style text. My group decided to make it vulgar with a mix of 1980's slang, current popular slang, and references to the television shows "Jimmy Neutron" and "Spongebob Squarepants". We then performed it infront of the entire class. Let's just say the reactions were great. This is Act III, Scene i lines 43-90 of Shakespeare's Hamlet  Polonius: Ophelia woman, m’ere. [to the king] Homeboy, we’ll hide [To OPHELIA] read this bible because it will look like you are pious and sweet bow-head but psych!! We are totally spying on those yuppies. Of course it's not like we are doing anything too wild. Lots of people hide their true intentions behind religion. Don’t look like you are shitting bricks. King: (aside) Truuu! Well damn, that bums me out. You know them bimbo hoes be covering up their grody faces with makeup and shit, that’s exactly what I am d...
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Lost

I’m not really sure where I am now But I know my life’s play has taken its final bow I’d like to think I danced through life But it was not without strife I’m not really sure how I got here But I remember my mother’s eye dropped a tear As she filled the tub with my bath water “I love you my sweet daughter” I cried that there weren’t bubbles in the tub She shushed me and began to scrub She tucked my curls behind my ear And told me soon our pain will disappear I looked at the purple marks on her arm She told me there was no need for alarm One last kiss before she laid me down It was in that moment she let me drown
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