Modern-ish Hamlet (WARNING VULGAR)
My AP Literature class had to take about 50 lines from Hamlet and translate it into a modern style text. My group decided to make it vulgar with a mix of 1980's slang, current popular slang, and references to the television shows "Jimmy Neutron" and "Spongebob Squarepants". We then performed it infront of the entire class. Let's just say the reactions were great.
This is Act III, Scene i lines 43-90 of Shakespeare's Hamlet
This is Act III, Scene i lines 43-90 of Shakespeare's Hamlet
Polonius: Ophelia woman, m’ere. [to the king] Homeboy, we’ll hide
[To OPHELIA] read this bible because it will look like you are pious and sweet bow-head
but psych!! We are totally spying on those yuppies. Of course it's not like we are doing
anything too wild. Lots of people hide their true intentions behind religion. Don’t look
like you are shitting bricks.
[To OPHELIA] read this bible because it will look like you are pious and sweet bow-head
but psych!! We are totally spying on those yuppies. Of course it's not like we are doing
anything too wild. Lots of people hide their true intentions behind religion. Don’t look
like you are shitting bricks.
King:(aside) Truuu! Well damn, that bums me out.
You know them bimbo hoes be covering up their grody faces with makeup and shit,
that’s exactly what I am doing…. Covering up my mistakes with nice words.
But gurrrllllllllllll, I do feel guilty.
You know them bimbo hoes be covering up their grody faces with makeup and shit,
that’s exactly what I am doing…. Covering up my mistakes with nice words.
But gurrrllllllllllll, I do feel guilty.
Polonius: Yo I hear Hamlet ! Gotta blast!
(Claudius and Polonius Blast off into oblivion)
Hamlet: To be or not to be: that is the most tubular question:
I mean is it better to suffer some totally rad luck full of booze and bitches,
or try to fight through a crap ton of hellacious problems. I mean we could totally die.
Or you know just take a nap. And ignore how life breaks our hearts and women hop in our beds,
us and then leave us for better dudes. We could die. Or sleep.
To sleep means we get to dream, which makes life feel so much easier.
But what about when the sleep is actually death. What dreams will we have then?
When our ghosts leave our bodies. We need to stop because that’s what makes life feel so
looonnggg *groans* I mean who wants to deal with all the torture we endure over time.
People are oppressed by pride, failed love, and those who are superior to them.
Those upper class arselings treat good men like cow pies just because they are below
*air quotes* them. Why continue to suffer hella depression when you can just whip out your
knife and call it quits? What bone-head would want to keep their exhausting life, unless,
you’re afraid of what comes after death. The mysterious death, from which no one returns
like some kind of Jesus wannabe. Unless you are like spongebob and you annoy the crap out
of the flying dutchmen and so he sends you back to this gawwddd awful world.
All these stupid unanswered questions make us stick to the evil we have become buddies with.
We grow flaccid from thinking too much about death, we are cowards. Instead of manning up
and following through with our actions, we are basically road pizza and the actions don’t
become actions at all. But yo wait, shh, here comes this fine looking thang Ophelia!-babe,
pretty please remember me and my flaws when you pray.
I mean is it better to suffer some totally rad luck full of booze and bitches,
or try to fight through a crap ton of hellacious problems. I mean we could totally die.
Or you know just take a nap. And ignore how life breaks our hearts and women hop in our beds,
us and then leave us for better dudes. We could die. Or sleep.
To sleep means we get to dream, which makes life feel so much easier.
But what about when the sleep is actually death. What dreams will we have then?
When our ghosts leave our bodies. We need to stop because that’s what makes life feel so
looonnggg *groans* I mean who wants to deal with all the torture we endure over time.
People are oppressed by pride, failed love, and those who are superior to them.
Those upper class arselings treat good men like cow pies just because they are below
*air quotes* them. Why continue to suffer hella depression when you can just whip out your
knife and call it quits? What bone-head would want to keep their exhausting life, unless,
you’re afraid of what comes after death. The mysterious death, from which no one returns
like some kind of Jesus wannabe. Unless you are like spongebob and you annoy the crap out
of the flying dutchmen and so he sends you back to this gawwddd awful world.
All these stupid unanswered questions make us stick to the evil we have become buddies with.
We grow flaccid from thinking too much about death, we are cowards. Instead of manning up
and following through with our actions, we are basically road pizza and the actions don’t
become actions at all. But yo wait, shh, here comes this fine looking thang Ophelia!-babe,
pretty please remember me and my flaws when you pray.
Frickin me too #sadyoungboi
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